Many people I coach are confident in technical discussions and freeze in the two minutes before the meeting starts. Small talk feels pointless, and in a second language it feels risky too. But those two minutes are where colleagues decide whether you’re easy to work with. You don’t need jokes or a big personality. You need a few good questions and the habit of following up.
01Why small talk matters at work
In international and remote teams, small talk replaces the coffee machine. It’s how people find out who you are beyond your tasks, and it makes the harder conversations later, feedback, disagreement, asking for help, much easier.
Relationships also matter for careers. A large study discussed by Harvard Business School found that moderately weak ties on LinkedIn, people you know but not closely, helped people move jobs more than the closest ones. Light, friendly contact counts.
02The first two minutes of a call
The goal is simple: show interest in the other person, then move to the agenda. Prepare one opener before every call.
- Use what you know: their trip, their project, the time of day where they are.
- Ask open questions that start with how, what or where, not questions that end with yes or no.
- Answer “How are you?” with a little more than “fine”: “Good, thanks. Busy week, but a good one. How about you?”
03Keep the conversation going
Conversation works like ping-pong: they say something, you react, add a little and ask. Most silences happen because one side reacts without asking.
React
“Oh nice.” · “Really?”
Add
A short detail about you.
Ask
A follow-up question about them.
You don’t need to understand every word. If you miss something, ask: “Sorry, where did you say?” It shows interest, not weakness.
04Safe and risky topics
Topics that are normal in one country can be awkward in another. When you’re not sure, let the other person lead:
| Type | Topics |
|---|---|
| Usually safe | Work and projects · the weekend · travel · food · the weather where they are · a conference or event · hobbies they mention |
| Wait for them to start | Family · sport · holidays and traditions · their home country |
| Usually avoid at work | Salary · politics · religion · age · health · weight and appearance |
If someone asks you something you’d rather not discuss, change the subject lightly: “Oh, that’s a long story. How was your weekend?”
05From small talk to real relationships
Relationships are built in the follow-up, not in the first conversation.
- Remember one detail and ask about it next time. Write it down after the call if you need to.
- Offer help first: an introduction, a useful link, a quick review.
- Suggest a virtual coffee with someone in another team, with a clear reason.
- Write short, warm messages: congratulations on a launch, thanks after a good meeting.
This works especially well with clients and senior people, who receive many requests and few thank-yous.
06Ending a conversation politely
Many people stay in conversations too long because they don’t know how to leave. Use a soft close, then a warm line:
- “Anyway, I should let you go. Great catching up.”
- “I’ll let you get back to it. Good luck with the release.”
- “Shall we get started?” to move from small talk to the meeting.
07Phrases for every part of the conversation
| Situation | Phrases |
|---|---|
| Opening | “How’s your week going?” · “How was the conference?” · “Any plans for the weekend?” · “What’s the weather like over there?” |
| Follow-up questions | “Oh really? How did that go?” · “What was the best part?” · “How did you get into that?” |
| Showing interest | “That sounds great.” · “I didn’t know that.” · “Same here, actually.” · “That must have been a lot of work.” |
| Remembering details | “Last time you mentioned your daughter’s exam. How did it go?” · “Did the launch go well in the end?” |
| Suggesting a chat | “Would you be up for a quick virtual coffee next week? I’d love to hear how your team handles releases.” |
| Short written messages | “Congratulations on the promotion, well deserved.” · “I saw this article and thought of our conversation.” |
| Ending politely | “Anyway, I should let you go.” · “Great catching up. Let’s talk again soon.” · “Shall we get started?” |
| Instead of | Try |
|---|---|
| “Fine.” (and stop) | “Good, thanks. Busy week, but a good one. How about you?” |
| “How much do you earn?” | “How do you like the new role?” |
| “Where are you really from?” | “How long have you been in Berlin?” |
| “I have to go.” | “I should let you go, but great catching up.” |
| “Sorry for my English.” | (Nothing. Just keep talking.) |
08Example: the first two minutes of a call
An invented example between Ewa in Warsaw and Mike in San Francisco. Notice the follow-up question about the trip, and how Ewa moves to the meeting.
Before the weekly sync
Mike: Hey, morning! Or afternoon for you, I guess.
Ewa: Afternoon, yes. It’s getting dark already here. How’s your week going?
Mike: Pretty busy. We’re trying to get the release out by Friday.
Ewa: Oh, the mobile one? How’s it looking?
Mike: Getting there. One last bug with the payments screen.
Ewa: Fingers crossed. By the way, how was the hiking trip? Last time you said you were going to Yosemite.
Mike: Oh, it was amazing. Freezing at night, though.
Ewa: I bet. I’d love to go one day. Okay, shall we get started? I know you’re short on time this week.
09Before your next call
- I have one opener ready, based on something I know about them.
- I’ll answer “How are you?” with more than one word.
- I’ll react, add and ask at least once.
- I know which topics to leave to them.
- I’ll write down one detail to ask about next time.
- I know how I’ll move to the agenda.